Just when you thought it was safe to go back to high school. . . .

LOVESTRUCK ATOMIC TEENAGE INVADERS FROM MARS 2!

There’s something else out there. Something even stupider.

Random stuff by The Angst Guy, with valuable sick, sad input from Brother Grimace

Daria and all associated characters and their images are ©2008 MTV Networks

This page can be properly viewed with either Mozilla Firefox or Microsoft Internet Explorer. Hit "Refresh" or "Reload Current Page" to get the latest update. Oh, and if didn’t know already, the images with colorful borders talk if you click on them. The origins of each picture are also revealed by moving a cursor over them using Microsoft’s Internet Explorer browser.

Feedback is appreciated. Please write to: The Angst Guy.

This webpage makes use of a free font called Cuckoo for the titles and subtitles. This amusing and useful font can be easily acquired from Urbanfonts.com or Abstractfonts.com.

Credit for inspiring this shared multiverse goes to a number of people who were already mentioned on page one. Thank you again! This page, however, includes artwork created by Daria fan artists, used with their permission. In alphabetical order by first names, we thank: Katie Cook Wilcox, Kemical Reaxion, Liliane Grenier, Milo Minderbinder, Richard Lobinske, and S.C. u R0oL! (See full credits at the bottom of this page.)

WELCOME TO LAAAWNDALE...HIGH!

And now a special message from Our Omnipotent and Ever-Watchful Principal-for-Life, Angela Li:

Congratulations on your admission to the finest public school in Lawndale County! You will have the satisfaction of knowing that you will matriculate (don’t misunderstand that word) from Planet Earth’s most secure institution of learning outside of the SuperMax. Yes, discipline and defense are the keywords at our high school, which won second place last year in the CIA’s awards for Best Managed Detention Facility. (Damn SuperMax.)

It warmed the heart to see the devotion with which the Cheerleading Squad conducted their safety monitoring duties last month, even though it meant a little extra time in the regeneration clinic for certain members of the football team.

Our security is ensured in part by the efforts of dedicated students like yourself who selflessly volunteer their time when told to do so, taking up roles as hall monitors, safety patrols, informers, moles, and School Spirit Enforcers. You never know when those brownie points will come in handy! I know, of course, but you don’t.

Ours is a challenging school, but thanks to the tremendous advances in medical technology made possible by our extraterrestrial friends, any sort of student or faculty misfortune—from the littlest paper cut all the way up to accidental dismemberment—can be corrected in minutes following a quick trip to the cloning tanks on Basement Level Nine, down the hall from the cold-fusion power plant. Students can be restored to complete health and vigor in but a few hours, requiring only a brief stay in a memory-restoration capsule to be on their feet again and ready to take on new educational challenges. Life is nothing but a learning experience, I always say! On a related note, the school nurse will be collecting fresh DNA samples in homeroom tomorrow morning before our afternoon hike across Antarctica.

Miss Griffin’s unfortunate mishap last semester, when she forgot to pack a parachute for Phys Ed’s HALO jump, was completely reversed in just six hours, not counting the time the janitors spent hosing off the east parking lot.

I also want to add a word about the new paramilitary force that will be patrolling the grounds during school hours to combat rampant tardiness and abuse of hall passes. Security forbids me from detailing the nature of this force, but let’s just say that if a throwing star imbeds itself in the wall next to you, that’s a hint you should conclude your business and hurry on to your next class, A.S.A.P.

A FEW FEDERALLY MANDATED WORDS ON STUDENT DIVERSITY

We like to say that it’s not how many arms, legs, or eyes you have (or don’t), it’s the school spirit inside you that counts. We at Lawndale High abide, endure, tolerate, and even embrace (but only in a metaphoric sense) a wide variety of species on our campus from every unmopped—mmm, better make that unmapped corner of the galaxy. I hope that didn’t go online. Let’s see, where was I—oh.

Bear in mind, however, that our broadmindedness does have its limits. The unauthorized substitution of stunt doubles, personal clones, or mobile holograms to take the place of actual students during school hours is prohibited. You cannot have someone else, real or virtual, do your share of schoolwork. We have ways of finding out which one of you is the real one, and detention in the Chamber of Woe is not a pleasant experience, ho ho! (I might add that our use of the Chamber of Woe is thoroughly and completely legal, no matter what the ACLU says.)

On the other hand, should any student possess exceptional talents or capabilities that the school administration might find useful—award-winning athletic skills, flawless mind reading, wealthy relative willing to donate large sums of currency to the school to ensure the best possible environment for an honor-filled graduation—then see me at once.

“Trust but verify” is our watchword, though generally it is better to skip the “trust” part and go straight to the lie detectors.

AN EASY-TO-UNDERSTAND PICTORAL GUIDE TO OUR ANTI-HACKING POLICY

ABBREVIATED SYLLABUS

(That means a short list of classes, Kevin.)

We offer such a wide variety of courses at Lawndale High that it is impossible to enumerate them all, even on the Internet! (And that’s Internet with a capital I. Ask anyone.) Instead, a brief but illustrated sample of our offerings is provided below to whet your appetite for higher learning. Go, Lions!

LEFT: Post-Nuclear Survival Skills;…RIGHT: Varsity Wrestling Team (Multilimbed—I’m not sure which is the referee)

Biology 303: Creating Cuter Pets with Genetic Engineering

LEFT & CENTER: The correct way to do it.…RIGHT: Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong.

LEFT: Driver Education, NASCAR Edition;…RIGHT: NASA-Sponsored ROTC

LEFT: Cyber-Dating Game Theory (Virtual Dumping Seminar Optional);…RIGHT: Psychic Powers for Fun and Profit *

* For your information, the school administration and teaching staff are immune to mind-reading, remote manipulation, hypnotic suggestion, and everything else. We know what you’re going to do to us even before you do. Practice on your family at home instead.

LEFT: Robotics 201: Building a Better Girlfriend;…RIGHT: Physics 215: Nuclear Radiation Is Your Pal

LEFT: ART 422: Creative Body Piercing *;…RIGHT: Agriculture 201: Raising and Canning Designer Crops with True School Spirit

* Offered only at the end of each school year before summer break. Please remove all non-standard body ornamentation before returning to school in the fall. It interferes with the metal detectors and x-ray machines.

Psychology 140: Reinventing Yourself for a Better or Just a Different You (LEFT: Cyborg Cutie; RIGHT: Barbarian Babe)

(And yes, Miss Morgendorffer, I am aware that the school has used your virtual image on the Internet without your permission. Get over it.)

TOP: Literature 309: Twenty-Fifth Century Romance Movies; …BOTTOM: Humanities 222: Primitive Space Cultures

STUDENT CLUBS

LEFT: Computer Club; …RIGHT: Science Club *

* Last spring’s Lawndale Science Fair shown here, just prior to the unscheduled nuclear event at the Grove Hills Academy booth.

The Fashion Club

LEFT: Fashion Club President; …RIGHT: Fashion Club Vice President …BELOW: Potential candidates for admission should there be any openings in the club, which is not likely this millennium.

AND IN CONCLUSION…

I hope you’ve enjoyed this whirlwind tour of Laaawndale High! There’s so much more to tell, but the security alarms are going off. Admissions forms are available online at an undisclosed location. Don’t call me, I’ll call you. Toodle-oo!

 

 

LAWNDALE HIGH: We make tomorrow’s yesterday today!

 

Last updated 11/24/08

 

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The following artwork was used with permission: Katie Cook Wilcox (Daria as Seven of Nine from Star Trek: Voyager), Kemical Reaxion (Sandi with an I), Liliane Grenier (Brittany as Leila from Futurama), Milo Minderbinder (Cyber Stacy; Daria as the Robot from Metropolis; Jane Lane in Road Warrior; Upchuck as a Furby), Richard Lobinske (Christmas Photo from Alien Pond; Daria as Taarna from Heavy Metal: The Movie), and S.C. (Outlaw Jane from Lawndale Heroes). The origins of each picture are revealed in Internet Explorer by moving the cursor over the image.

Most WAV files used with this webpage came from the Sick, Sad Life Planner CD-Rom (1999) licensed by Simon & Schuster from MTV. Others were acquired from various websites on the Internet. It’s amazing what you can find if you look.